I think I'm going to go and spend the rest of my life huddled up in a ball in a dark corner, not eating and drinking and not exposing my body to any external elements.
This is because the world is becoming an increasingly dangerous place to live in. Apparently, a glass of red wine, which I had previously been led to believe was good for me in moderation, increases my chance of getting throat cancer by 168%. On top of that, a couple of rashers of bacon a week increases my exposure to bowel cancer by another scarily-high percentage. And even one portion of your five a day fruit allowance could actually do more harm than good, if you eat a certain type of fruit at the same time as you drink a certain type of coffee. Being partial to a nice bottle of red ...
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