The Chairman has produced a lovely advertisement for the group's Isas
Just as he promised last week, the chairman of the insignificantly-sized investment company SmallBlue Planet has come up with a last-minute Isa advertisement. You'll probably have seen it on that huge billboard overlooking your house or garden, but on the very off chance you've so far missed it ¦
'Not every fund manager is kind to his dear old mum' runs the caption alongside a picture of a man in a suit. 'But this one is,' proceeds the main body of text. 'It's Nigel Winegum, manager of the SmallBlue Planet Lovely Opportunities fund. He's lovely and so is his fund.
'But don't take our word for it ' just ask your independent financial adviser. Can they name a lovelier fund manager? What's that you say? Anthony Bolton? Oh, all right, maybe we'll give you that one but ¦ what? Well of course Bill Mott would have to be in the reckoning and, yes, Nigel Thomas too. But ¦ no stop it. Tim Russell? Jeremy Lang? Toby Thompson? Now you're just showing off. Look, forget we asked.
'Anyway, that doesn't stop our chap from being lovely too. And just see how smart he looks in his lovely tie. And did we mention that he's kind to his dear old mum? We did? Just checking. But he's also a lovely fund manager. Just look at how well his fund has performed. Do you know how much you'd have now if you'd invested £1,000 in SmallBlue Planet Lovely Opportunities five years ago?
'OK, no ' we're not absolutely certain either but we're sure it would have been lots. Quite a lot anyway. Come on, it's not been easy out there, you know. Picking stocks that go up isn't the breeze it was a few years back. In fact, lots go down in price and we think Nigel's done very well and ¦
'What? No we don't know when the next train is due but we're sure one will be along in a minute and at least you've got something to read. Yes, the state of railways is awful and no, the tube system isn't much better. And ¦ oh, very funny, no we don't think it invites comparisons with the fund management industry, which is trying jolly hard in quite a difficult time. Weren't you listening when I mentioned those falling prices? We're serious, it's ¦
'What is it this time? Well, of course SmallBlue Planet has some other funds if you're not that interested in Lovely Opportunities. Plenty of excellent funds in fact.
'If the lovely Nigel doesn't meet your obviously exacting and ' if you don't mind us mentioning it ' frankly rather unrealistic expectations, have you thought about a corporate bond fund?
'Oh, we see. You bought one this time three years ago and it dived like an Italian footballer. Well these things happen and, anyway, you probably didn't buy one of the SmallBlue Planet range of fixed int ¦ oh, you did. Um.
'Would it make you feel better if we told you we've brought in a new manager? Well, yes he is lovely since you ask, although I'm not sure what you think is so funny.
'And we've added a very reliable new portfolio too, which won't go anywhere near any junk unless it's absolutely, positively necessary to bump up the performance and yield before the next Isa season.
'And it's got a 5.9% annual gross redemption yield and a 6.2% annual gross distribution yield and ¦ and what do you mean you have no idea what that means? Do we know? Of course we do ' the annual gross redemption yield is ¦ is ¦ is 5.9% and that's jolly good.
'And now you're saying you don't really know what an Isa is either and that if we're going to fill up a billboard with loads of words the least we can do is come up with some simple explanations? Aren't you the same person who a moment ago was giving us a roll call of UK fund managers?
'Look, if you're not going to meet us half way ¦ well, if you're sure you're not interested in corporate bonds then did we mention we have a very good fund called SmallBlue Planet Lovely Opportunities? You know, its manager is kind to children and small animals and is very lovely and ¦ Oh, we did. Ah ¦ hang on, is that the sound of your train approaching?'
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